Skip to content

My diet

November 1, 2019

This piece was inspired by the discovery this morning that Heinz baked beans in all their varieties were on sale at ons dollar a can. My lifetime staple food.

When I was but a tiny thing, and first began to eat
It was early on established that I could not stomach meat.
When they tried to substitute my mothers milk with broth
I threw up spontaneously upon the table cloth.
So soon it was established, by one authoritarian
That I would grow up to be a lactovegetarian
I have this meatless diet, but still there was one dish
I ate without a problem if it was made from fish.
But still throughout my childhood and even now most
Things I enjoy eating are often served on toast.
There is one tale of legend, one year on Christmas day
It was during wartime but a bird had come our way.
Luncheon was to celebrate the joy of turkey roast
But I rejected it demanding beans on toast.
My dietary problems have been going on for years
I have another sequence when I was reduced to tears.
Sent away to Scotland, to avoid the London blitz
With my brother and our gas masks, our own survival kits.
My brother had a birthday, and at lunch they served a broth
When I refused to eat it, it created family wroth
At teatime for his birthday a luscious cake was served
They said for me the same cold broth was all that I deserved.
My complaints were so vigorous and they came to a head
When instead of getting birthday cake, I was sent to bed
I could give you more examples of my struggles like a fool
And suffering malnutrition through my years at boarding school.
But once in all my many years I had a chance to show
There can still be an outcome thats positive you know.
I was taken to a restaurant by the father of a friend
Whose meanness was quite legendary, there were stories without end.
A quick look at the menu showed an eight ounce sirloin steak
Would be the most expensive order you could make
I ordered it and it arrived and to protect its fate
I hid it with a lettuce leaf, and left it on my plate.

From → Uncategorized

  1. Absolutely brilliant, my friend! Bring on the beans and toast, as long as I don’t have to have them!

  2. Robin Andrew permalink

    Beans on toast, especially with cheese also 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: