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My diet

November 1, 2019

This piece was inspired by the discovery this morning that Heinz baked beans in all their varieties were on sale at ons dollar a can. My lifetime staple food.

When I was but a tiny thing, and first began to eat
It was early on established that I could not stomach meat.
When they tried to substitute my mothers milk with broth
I threw up spontaneously upon the table cloth.
So soon it was established, by one authoritarian
That I would grow up to be a lactovegetarian
I have this meatless diet, but still there was one dish
I ate without a problem if it was made from fish.
But still throughout my childhood and even now most
Things I enjoy eating are often served on toast.
There is one tale of legend, one year on Christmas day
It was during wartime but a bird had come our way.
Luncheon was to celebrate the joy of turkey roast
But I rejected it demanding beans on toast.
My dietary problems have been going on for years
I have another sequence when I was reduced to tears.
Sent away to Scotland, to avoid the London blitz
With my brother and our gas masks, our own survival kits.
My brother had a birthday, and at lunch they served a broth
When I refused to eat it, it created family wroth
At teatime for his birthday a luscious cake was served
They said for me the same cold broth was all that I deserved.
My complaints were so vigorous and they came to a head
When instead of getting birthday cake, I was sent to bed
I could give you more examples of my struggles like a fool
And suffering malnutrition through my years at boarding school.
But once in all my many years I had a chance to show
There can still be an outcome thats positive you know.
I was taken to a restaurant by the father of a friend
Whose meanness was quite legendary, there were stories without end.
A quick look at the menu showed an eight ounce sirloin steak
Would be the most expensive order you could make
I ordered it and it arrived and to protect its fate
I hid it with a lettuce leaf, and left it on my plate.

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2 Comments
  1. Absolutely brilliant, my friend! Bring on the beans and toast, as long as I don’t have to have them!

  2. Robin Andrew permalink

    Beans on toast, especially with cheese also 😉

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