The complete home handy man

An unfair description I hope of my technical competence reflected in a verse of yesteryear

It was early in this century a grandson came to stay
And brushed against a lampstand that was standing in his way.
He slowly knocked it over in just a single stroke
And so we all discovered that the lampshade now was broke.
My wife and I are older now, and settled in our ways
With lazyboys for each of us early in the days
A crossword puzzle for my wife, the internet for me
Until she takes a little break and then the puzzles free.
But yesterday just as I moved to enter my wife’s chair
I noticed the connection to the light was no longer there.
A competent performer I did not stop to bitch
But carefully dismantled the electric lighting switch.
My efforts were a failure, so to compensate my ire
I went and bought a new one at the blessed Canadian Tire
Untangling the cables and connecting wire to screws
I found another problem, really not good news.
The thingy used to turn the switch was meant to fit a hole
But the new one was too big for it, I could not reach my goal.
Frustrated now and angry having wasted half a day
I realised we could afford a new lamp any way.
So once more at the tire place I found a lovely light
And all I had to do with it was assemble it just right
But sadly now the lampstand from four pieces must be built
And when I had assembled it, it had an awful tilt
I realised that evening before I went to bed,
That in assembling the lampstand I had crossed the blasted thread.
My sleep last night was broken, each time that I thought
Of the fact that had sabotaged the lamp that I had bought.
On waking up this morning with energy and verve
I repeated the whole process to eliminate the curve.
Which left me with the lamp shade from the one I had replaced
So I put it on the lamp stand that my grandson had defaced.

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